Wednesday, 3 September 2008

Whinge, whine and moan!! (111)

A word of warning - I'm about to have a self-pitying moment, so don't feel you have to read on!!

I haven't posted for a while. I don't know why, but I just haven't felt that I've had anything to say. Life has been going on much as usual - visited No 2 son on Saturday, No 1 son came for lunch on Sunday, visited mother-in-law on Monday, went for a first physio treatment for my knee this morning, sewing, stitching, knitting etc. But I've been feeling very low. A combination of things I think have combined to lower my spirits.

I've had CFS for about 18 months now, and I seem to have reached a plateau - better than this time last year, worse than November/December last year, but much the same throughout this year. I try to remain positive, and I know that it's not life threatening, that so many people are going through much worse times, but nonetheless, it's debilitating and frustrating. I had hoped that after a year of retirement I would be ready to look for a voluntary job that would take me out and about, and that I could join some groups that would enable me to meet new people and learn new skills. Instead, I'm stuck at home with just about enough energy to get through the day. Anything out of the ordinary means two or three days of recovery. 

I think it's worse at the moment as for so many years at this time of year I've been busy preparing to get back to school, look forward enthusiastically to a new year and a new class.

I've also been struggling with anxiety attacks - DH is planning to take a week off and had been talking about going abroad for a bit of sun. The mere thought of it caused an anxiety attack to flare up. I know we've been away in this country regularly, but I'm always ill, regular as clockwork so it's not easy.  Bless him though, he realises how difficult it is for me and is more than happy to give up the idea. And of course that makes me feel so guilty. 

Anyway, that's where I am at the moment. If anyone else has CFS or anxiety disorders I'd love to hear from you - I know I'm not alone, but it sometimes feels as if I am.

Enough, enough about my problems. Tomorrow I should be able to share a picture of a shirt I've been making for DH - if it works out. It's ready for a fitting, so fingers crossed. I hope to get out tomorrow to post my bag for Linda's Bag and Bucket Swap, and my first project for the Stitcher's Angel Swap, so I'll soon be able to show those.

Meanwhile, here's another scrap lap quilt that's at the flimsy stage; I should finish it is a day or so.


Amelia said...

Hey Lady,

So sorry to hear you have been on the bottom rung of the ladder of feeling perky.

Certainly wish the medical field could find something that would get you up and moving like before.

Quilt top looks quite inviting for snuggling.

May tomorrow be filled with many joys and wonderful promises.


Tanya said...

I'm sorry you haven't been feeling well. It is wonderful that your family is so understanding though. I guess if your body is telling you to slow down and take of it in a quiet day then there is no use pressuring yourself to do more. Hope you regain some of your energy soon. You certainly seem energetic with your quilting!

annemarie said...

I just discovered your blog from polka dot pineapple - love all your projects especially the redwork heading you have - I Love to Sew. Is this pattern available somewhere where I could buy it?? Hope you are feeling better.

Mare said...

I wish that I had words of wisdom to help you. I have RA[20 years] and wouldn't be walking if I didn't take medicine. That being said, I try to stay in the present. One day at a time. And I volunteer and try to get people to smile-especially the elderly...cause I think they are overlooked too often.
Chocolate is good therapy, too!

MouseChirpy said...

Hi Amanda! Please feel free to use any of my ideas that I post on my blog. You don't have to ask me first. As long as it is for personal use, I welcome it. What I was talking about on my blog is the taking of images (photographs) from websites or blogs. That is something that I do not condone because of personal property issues.

Sorry to hear about your mammogram. That sounds just awful. Perhaps a different technician may be the answer. I notice that the skills of each technician varies greatly. Some clamp down on you so hard that you feel like your head is going to explode. Others are a lot more gentle.

Take care.

Brenda said...

Amanda, I feel for you. I do not have CFS, but I have severe brain damage in my memory section of brain and anytime I do more than one thing at a time my brain get so lost and confused that it shuts down. It can be very depressing and I do understand what you are going through and feeling to a point. If you would like to share your feelings you can email me and I will listen and help in any way that I can!

Your quilt looks beautiful!

Amy (lilme2_99) said...

You BET you can take some self-pity; I do not have CFS so I can not say that I know what you are going through. I am just thankful for you that Christopher is so understanding.

Gretchen said...

Oh Amanda--bless your heart as we say in the South. It's OK to moan. Your blog readers are all here to support you. Sending hugs from Georgia.

Anonymous said...

Oh Amanda
I can fully understand how you are feeling, as you know im also suffer from panic attacks, I have not posted to for days, I have not been past my front gate since August 07 so this has been a very bad year, i find it easyer to talk to others than my own family, as they really dont understand,
My sewing and my children are keeping me going, and my new friends on here, I miss company so much, spending to much time on my own.
Take care Amanda, you are very welcome when ready to visit me anytime,

Julie said...

I am sorry to hear you are feeling badly. I do not have CFS but I do sympathize with you. Your quilt top is beautiful.

Kay said...

What a gorgeous quilt, Amanda. It amazes me that you're able to finish so many sewing projects.

I don't have CFS but I was feeling pretty down today with teeth problems. I've got jaw problems and teeth being chipped and broken due to some poor dentistry earlier with some crowns. And now... an imcomplete message that my mother took from the hospital saying there's an emergency something or other and that I need to call them back. Sigh. I called but they were gone for the day. I have to call them tomorrow to find out what is so terrible.

So, here I am whining...unloading, too. You always sound so upbeat and caring of others, Amanda. You are amazing but I'm so sorry that you are going through some difficulties right now.

I think blogging is wonderful because you can get support from people out there who care and we sure do, Amanda. Have a restful weekend.

Rhonda said...

Oh Amanda... I feel for you... hope you feel better soon.

The strings quilt looks great!

Linda said...

Love your scrap quilt! Very cheerful & bright!
Take one day at a time.. and sometimes one second at a time! We all are intitled to down times and pity parties!! :)