Tuesday, 8 February 2011

Observations on Life

This was sent to me in an email, but I thought you might enjoy it too.

Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself, 'Lillian, you should have remained a virgin.'
-   Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter)


I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalogue: - 'No good in a bed, but fine against a wall.'   
Eleanor Roosevelt   
Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement.  
Mark Twain 
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible 
George Burns 
Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year. 
Victor Borge 
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. 
- Mark Twain 
By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. 
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. 
Groucho Marx 
My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe. 
Jimmy Durante 
I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back. 
Zsa Zsa Gabor 
Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat. 
Alex Levine 
My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying. 
Rodney Dangerfield 
Money can't buy you happiness ... But it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery. 
Spike Milligan 
Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was SHUT UP. 
Joe Namath 
I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap. 
Bob Hope 
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it. 
W. C. Fields 
We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress.  
Will Rogers  
Don't worry about avoiding temptation.   As you grow older, it will avoid you. 
Winston Churchill 
Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out. 
Phyllis Diller 
By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere. 
Billy Crystal 
And the cardiologist's diet: -  If it tastes good spit it out.


jabblog said...

Very good! I'd heard some of them before but others are new to me. I like Lillian Carter's and Eleanor Roosevelt's very much.

Amelia said...


Certainly some written gems in these statements...so funny!

Thanks for sharing.

Sew Create It - Jane said...

LOL - thanks for the giggle!

Kay said...

How funny! When I was pregnant and gained 50 pounds, my doctor said the same thing the cardiologist did. This was so much fun to read. Every one of them is a gem!

Tanya said...

I liked Eleanor Roosevelt's and Socrates the best!