Wednesday, 4 November 2009

I hope this makes you smile

I don't know where this originated, but I hope it makes you smile.

WHAT PETS WRITE IN THEIR DIARIES.....

Excerpts from a Dog's Diary......

8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm - Milk Bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!
Excerpts from a Cat 's Daily Diary...

Day 983 of my captivity...

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets.

Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength..

The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet.. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a 'good little hunter' I am. Bastards.

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of 'allergies.' I must learn what this means and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.

12 comments:

Rhonda said...

Amanda, you have succeeded in making me wet my pants. This post has my eyes tearing and my tummy heaving in mirth. Excellent, girlfriend!!!!!!!

Florence said...

thanks Amanda , I smile !!!
I have two cats at home ...

Lynn said...

Yes, that is exactly right! This had us laughing here. I didn't realize that our cat had such sinister motives getting wrapped around my feet on the steps. Must watch him more closely. Thanks for sharing - needed the laugh.

Amelia said...

I had read this years ago but still makes me smile.

Note: the pictures do not appear...just a red x in the corner.

Anita said...

Whoever wrote the cat part know cats. Mine are acting like they are happy in confinment. Lucy the escape artist hasn't tried it once since we moved. Rosie my outdoor cat has been an indoor cat since we moved and hasn't expressed any interest in going outdoors again yet. We'll see if things change once spring arrives.

Gina said...

Fabulous. What a great read to start the day

Love and hugs Gina xxx

Kay said...

This is hilarious! I'm sitting here by myself smiling to myself. I have to send this to my son. He used to own a cat and now owns a dog. He'll love it. Thank you for a fun post, Amanda!

Kate said...

Thanks for the giggles, I absolutely love it. Will have to watch our 2 boys when we are on the stairs from now on

Sew Create It - Jane said...

It's an oldie...but a goodie!! Thanks for the giggle.

Amy (lilme2_99) said...

THAT
WAS
HA-LARIOUS!!!!!!!

Oh my goodness

Luv 2 Cre8te said...

So funny and true. Thanks for sharing.

Tanya said...

I've seen that! That is the funniest thing! And 100% true!